I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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