ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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