you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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