I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
