now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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