I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
