I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
