our cab driver is having phone sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
