So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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