fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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