Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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