Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
