My friends, they love my intelligence
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.