He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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