i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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