Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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