Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's blow job season.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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