And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
