this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
