I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
