All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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