i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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