the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
