i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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