I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
