i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize