Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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