i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
