i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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