He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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