if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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