I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
