So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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