So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
