Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
