I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
