Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
