Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
