Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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