Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
