go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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