And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
