I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize