My first STD was from a foam party
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
