I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
