did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
