Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
