Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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