Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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