Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
