Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
