Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And then he peed in my hair
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