TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
