I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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