I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
