i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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