Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
