when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
