I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
