I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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