Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
