did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
