This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
