i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize