three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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