I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
