I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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