There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
