Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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