bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
