i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
